Stroud stays
by The Champion of Denerim
Summary: Being the hero is never easy, sometimes there are sacrifices and those who get left behind. Set in the same universe as 'The Tale of Fenris'. [CullenxF!Lavellan], [FenrisxM!Hawke]. (Rated M just in case)
**Stroud stays**

'Go. I'll cover you.'

Stroud drew his blade once more. 'No. You were right. The Wardens caused this mess. A Warden must-'

'-A Warden must help them rebuild! That's _your_ job!' Eyeing the creature I scowled. 'Corypheus is mine.'

The elf looked between us both, her hands shaking on the staff she held. As the thundering beast drew nearer she closed her eyes and half-turned to run. There was no time. As I summoned fire into my hand she all but whispered a name.

'Stroud...'

He nodded as I stared in disbelief. 'Inquisitor, it has been an honour.'

As the Warden made his way towards the hideous creature I turned to the elf. 'Inquisitor, the Grey Wardens need him! I-'

'Will accompany me back to Adamant.' She snapped, the harshness in her tone was so uncommon for the softly-spoken elf. 'I have given my orders, Hawke.'

With that she, the Tevinter mage and the spirit all made for the tear. Cole went last, stopping by the green light and urging me towards him.

'Go quickly.' Stroud looked back one last time, motioning me towards the rip. He gave a smile that shook at the corners. 'Your elf is waiting for you. Go Hawke and live enough for us both.'

I nodded and ran towards the spirit boy, letting him dash through a second before I crashed into the portal myself. As light and sound whistled past me, I could hear the final roar of the beast and the man's battle-cry:

'FOR THE WARDENS!'

* * *

On the other side Lavellan's party were already checking their battle wounds and ensuring they all came through in one piece. As my heel touched down on stone, the opening behind me snapped shut. The Inquisitor looked to me and then bowed her head, she did not look up as the Wardens assembled and enquired as to their future. She spoke not to them but to her boots as she informed them of Stroud's sacrifice; she then requested that the Grey Wardens journey to Weisshaupt, and there work to make amends for their treachery. Dismissed, they left to prepare for the journey and Lavellan headed inside the fortress proper.

'I was never meant to leave the clan,' Cole whispered beside me, 'never meant to be anything special. One day _Hahren_ to my people, but till then a nothing. This is bigger than me, bigger than any of us. A halla doe licks the lion's wounds, but his heart has already stopped. Walls crumble in flames. The sky is burning with green fire...' He watched her enter the shadows of the keep and then gazed to me. 'There is pain in her heart, Hawke, greater than the pain the mark gives her. Such a terrible ache I don't think even the Commander can heal it.'

I smiled softly to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. 'Love is a good cure for pain. It might help her more than you think.'

'He wants her, but more than just her body. He craves the heart, her mind - so sweet, so pure - more so than any lyrium. Two circles of gold, a promise made and they will never part.' He said this without a smile, worry creaking into his tone. 'But he thinks she will say no. There is too much fighting now, and they come from different worlds.'

'An elf and a human trying to find solace in each other during a cataclysm.' I gave a small laugh, causing him to look up at me in curiosity. 'I wouldn't worry, Cole. It will take them time, but I've seen this work before.'

Those ice blue eyes peered out at me from beneath the brim of his hat. 'Hands worn with battle, feel like silk over my skin. Just for me he glows in the darkness. He scowls. He doesn't like it when I kiss those lines, but he lets me because he knows I do it with love. He whispers it, once and then again. "I am yours". My skin feels aflame-'

'-And that's enough of that, young man.' I chided him, feeling my face going red. 'Didn't your mother ever teach you it's rude to read people's minds?'

'I don't have a mother.' He replied as easily as if he was commenting on the weather. 'Cole did once, I think. Yes, he must have; for all of those with flesh have a mother.'

'You are Cole.' I reminded him, squeezing his shoulder lightly. 'We mages are born with a unique power, but they are not who we are. Remember that.'

He seemed to want to correct me for a moment, but then he swallowed his words and nodded with a weak smile. 'Yes, I am Cole. Thank you, Hawke.'

I gave him as strong a grin as I could muster, then headed off inside hoping to get out of the cold and find myself some wine. If I was lucky the Wardens would have a bottle of Agreggio stashed away. I needed to smell it, to taste it on my tongue, to sample those sweet memories of a ruined manor and its brooding master. It so happened I was in luck. Searching the inner depths of the cellars provided me with the exact make I was looking for, as well as a partially drunken Dalish.

Lavellan was sat on the floor, legs stretched before her and two empty bottles of whiskey discarded at her right side. She had the third in hand when I emerged from the racks and spotted her. Her staff leaned against the door-post, well out of her reach; though she didn't need it to cast, she had at least had the foresight to move an amplifier away from herself. I hid an inward chuckle. It was just my luck to always come across drunken tattooed elves, and forever when they were sour-faced and not in the mood for a laugh. Not that there was much to laugh about. Thoughts of Stroud crossed my mind again. I thought of the time I had defended Anders from the Templars, Isabela from the Arishok, Merrill from the demon, Leto from Danarius, Varric from Bartrand and Aveline from her own self-sabotaging heart. How I had thrown my life in the way without thought for my own safety. I should have done that for Stroud, I was meant to die not him.

'Stop it.' Though slurred, her voice still held its authority. 'I know what you're thinking Hawke, and stop it. I made the call, not you.'

'I can't lead the Wardens, Inquisitor. They need him.' I crouched near her and she patted the stone beside her, bidding me to sit.

'There are others.' She replied, then biting the cork from the bottle. 'Warden-Commander Tabris is to return soon, and her résumé from the King of Ferelden is _positive_. The men can last the rest of the season on their own. They may be treacherous fools, but they are an army not children.' After a deep swig she wiped her mouth on her robe sleeve and looked to me for the first time since I'd entered the room. 'Do you know why I saved you, Hawke?'

'My devilishly good looks?' I dared to joke.

She smirked. 'Flirt all you like but I am taken. And you, so I've read, take pleasures from the other camp.'

'Varric.' I hissed. 'He swore he'd stop writing about us.'

'He did.' She snorted a laugh. 'But the _Tale of the Champion_ is still quite telling. I find it rather romantic. The magic-hating elf, raised in slavery and misery, finds love and acceptance in the arms of the apostate Champion of Kirkwall. A poet could muse a thousand years and call upon a hundred desire demons and yet never manage to compose such a love story with such resonance.'

I laughed gently, feeling my cheeks redden again. 'Tell that to Leto and see if you leave in one piece. But no, it's not like that at all. If anything, he saved me. When I lost Carver in the Deep Roads and then mother to that blood-mage, he stood by me even with all the hardships he was facing himself.' I could still see him sitting beside me on that bed, holding me as I sobbed. The look of pain in his eyes, not knowing whether he was giving mixed signs or being too cold. When the morning came and my tears brought me the promise of sleep, he laid me down and pressed a kiss to my forehead, leaving me to dream of better things. 'He is my everything, Lavellan.'

She smiled genuinely, cheeks pinked from the alcohol, and then it slipped to a frown as her eyes fell to the bottle in her lap once more. 'I am sorry we called you away from him. These months must have been very hard for you both.'

'I've not written to him since the night I left.' I confessed. 'One letter and Leto would know where I am and how to find me. I couldn't risk him coming here, putting himself in danger for me.'

'"Couldn't".' She repeated in a thoughtful tone. 'So you will write to him now?'

I nodded. 'Once we return to Skyhold, then I will head for Weisshaupt; hopefully meeting him along the way.'

'You've decided so suddenly.' She exclaimed.

'I thought it over whilst we travelled here.' I replied. 'Besides, flying by the seat of my breeches is something I tend to do well.'

'If battling the Arishok single-handedly is anything to go by, yes you do.' She chuckled then drew serious once more. 'But back to my earlier point, do you know why I asked Stroud to stay?' I shook my head, and once again she found eyes for only her knees. 'Because you are our beacon.'

I furrowed my brow. 'I'm not sure I follow, Inquisitor.'

'Leranah.' She corrected. 'You've caught me drunk and on the verge of tears, I think we've reached that point, Hawke.'

'Garrett.' I returned, to which she nodded.

'Stroud was a Grey Warden,' she explained, 'and from what Josephine and Leliana have told me he was fully dedicated to his cause. No wife, no children, and not a single surviving relative. True he was a good warrior, a seasoned tactician, but he lacked the ability to think on his feet and even when he did, it was his head ruling his heart.

'You, Garrett, are different. Family is everything to you, whether they are related by blood or not. Every goodly person who asks for aid becomes your brother or sister, every mage and Templar, elf and dwarf. You see all of us as equal, our problems are your problems. Sometimes heart needs to rule the head. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us from becoming demons ourselves.' Her deep blue eyes gazed up and locked onto my own. 'We all need you, Garrett; Varric, Leto, everyone at Skyhold, even me. Without you we lose the idea of how we should be. You ground us and show us the good inside of us. You set aside the person from the abomination they could become. That is why we need you.'

Tears stung my eyes and I wiped them away on my cuff. 'Leranah, I'm not sure what to say.'

She bowed her head and smiled to herself. 'You don't have to say anything. Just acknowledge the truth of my words, and the meaning behind them. If you doubt my decision again and you doubt that you could've changed my mind, think on this moment and remember my reasons.'

'You'll be a great Keeper one day.' I smiled.

She laughed and took another long draft. 'I don't think I will ever return to the clan now. It's been too long and I have changed too much. I don't even know if they would let me back. Though the Lavellans do not hate humans I am not sure how they would look upon their First being _shem'vehnan_.'

'I heard from Cole that you and the Commander are intimate.'

This time it was her turn to go red. 'We-We are... erm... Yes.'

I chuckled as she began to fidget with the braid running past her ear. 'There's no need to be embarrassed, I'm not your father.'

She nodded. 'Yes, you are not. But still, it feels strange to say aloud. Those of Skyhold know the truth, despite us never saying it to anyone but ourselves. It's not a secret but still...'

'Some privacy is preferred.' I smirked. 'I know the feeling. The stories Isabela used to write we'd have to burn.' I paused a moment trying to remember a line or so of it. ' _"Always close at hand. Always within reach... Glistening."_ '

The tips of Lavellan's ears bloomed pink, and I thought of Leto. I missed how he tried to hide his blush when I whispered of such things against his chest at night. How he would retort with another line from another of her works: _The Champion of the Blooming Rose_. I rather liked that one I recalled. It detailed myself as a virginal man-of-the-night whose first client is a handsome elven mercenary, the two fall in love the same evening and elope under the stars. I had a sneaking suspicion that Leto knew I'd kept the only copy of it in my things. Suddenly I remembered that I had left it back on the farm. Should he find it he would either laugh, or shove his fist through my chest. With Leto you never knew which mood would take him.

My reverie was broken by Lavellan staggering to her feet and heading for the door. She turned to face me, though it turned into a little spin as she tried to get her bearings.

'Hawke,' she slurred, 'promise me you won't think about this Fade-thing anymore, okay? My command is final, and you have an elf to get back to. And if Varric's book is correct, as is my own experience as an _Elvhen_ lover, you should write to Leto tonight and when you get back to Skyhold take him straight to your room, lock the door, and give me and Dorian something to giggle about for the next century.'

I laughed and held a fist to my chest, head bowed. 'As ex-Champion of Kirkwall, I solemnly swear this promise to the Inquisitor.'

'Good.' And with that she snatched up her staff and used it to help her walk down the hall, shutting the door behind herself.

At this point I remembered the bottle of Agreggio in my hand. I uncorked it and then took to slowly taking my first sip. It flowed like sweet honey down my throat, and the second I dared to pull the glass lip away I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks.

'Leto...'

* * *

 **TRANSLATIONS (non-canon phrases done by Google Translate, so no doubt very poorly).**

 **1) _Hahren._ = The name used for an elder/leader of a clan of elves.**

 **2) _Shem'vehnan._ = Literally "Human's Heart", a word used for a human's elven lover or bride. Non-canon.**

 **3) _Elvhen._ = Elven word for themselves, literally meaning "Our People".**

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 **Please review and fave! ^.^**


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